Comedy – Work In Progress

It’s been a while since my last blog post, the extremely geeky games review, and in that time a couple of things have happened – firstly I have written a serious play which will be showing on May 30 & 31 at Unity Theatre, more details to follow – and secondly the comedy set I’ve been writing for the past month or so has progressed a bit. I thought I’d share a bit of the comedy, obviously much should be placed on delivery, but have a read and see what you think – you never know, might actually perform one of these days (p.s. all copywrited but if you wanna use any of it then just ask!!).

Hello, good evening, it’s really nice to be here.

I’m going to start by saying hello to the front row, now don’t worry about this front row I’m not one of those aggressive people who is massively offensive to the front row, and don’t think I’m picking on you just because you’re on the front row, I’ll talk to some people on the second and third rows as well, probably not much further than than, it’s a proximity thing you see, it becomes strained after a while and y’know what, if this all goes terribly badly I might need someone on my side for sympathy so people at the back, that is you.

What else should you know, I’m also a bit shy and nervous, that’s not great is it, I’m lowering expectation here, i mean not too much, it’s not going to be shit although there will be moments that fall below a certain standard, I don’t like talking in public which makes doing this even more of an odd decision. So yeah, hello, shy, nervous, self deprecating as well, I always get told I’m self deprecating, I’m not sure I am, I think I just manage audience disappointment, if I tell you I’m shit right, you’ll assume I’m actually good as who’d deliberately tell you they’re shit at the start of a show unless they were good, which makes it better when the show turns out to be shit as then you can say, well it may have been shit, but at least he was honest.

So, shy, nervous, tactically self deprecating, not aggressive. I actually get quite annoyed when I go to gigs and it’s an aggressive comedian, y’know where they stand at the front and yell at people,

“what’s your name?” “Bob” “What kind of a shit name is that?”

Or “Do you like fish?” “Yes?” “Well I hate fish because fish are cunts”

I should also mention that i’m probably going to swear occasionally, however you’ll be pleased to know that i’ve checked and all the swearing is artistic or to prove a point. It’s Guardian reader approved with just enough to get outrage from The Mail. Does anyone else instantly think when they see someone reading The Mail, racist? I’ve got to admit I do quite enjoy the way they make idle gossip seem like facts. I like the irony of an almost completely fact-free newspaper, for racists. Seems to fit.

So, yeah, I’m not really one of those acts, shouty.

I like the idea that there’s a shouty comedian turning an audience against the entire front row because they like fish, I like the idea, but in practice it’s usually me the audience is turning on.

So hello front row.

Hello, [Sir|Madam], Hi. What’s your name?

Hello [Name], everyone say “hello [Name]”, let’s make this sound like an AA meeting. Excellent.

Now, [Name], what I’d like you to do is describe yourself in one sentence okay?

Now there are a few rules, okay, you have to use a simple sentence, so short and sweet, not ten paragraphs, and you can’t include anything about your job?

That’s a good effort, and you sir, what’s your name?

[Name2], hello, and the same thing, if I can ask you…

Again, okay, but not spectacular, it’s a really difficult thing to do you see, how do you define yourself in a short space.

About two years ago I was 24 and coming to terms with the same problem you see, I didn’t really know who I was, well I knew who I was, Sam Freeman, but I didn’t know how to define myself, what my short sentence introduction would be. You know when people are at dinner parties or hideous social events, “this is Sam, here are three tedious and tenious facts to link you together”. Because it’s lazy I think to define yourself by your job, it’s something noone wants, to be defined by something you do for money, it’s identity prostitution.

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