Hello there… (General Kenobi)
It’s that time again where I look back over the last 12 months, lament the passing of time, realise I’ve not achieved half of what I was hoping to achieve and then write some new, equally unachievable resolutions for the new year.
Or at least that’s how it usually goes.
This year has been fairly massive. I’m now a dad and… well.. it’s fucking brilliant. We’ve a little boy who was born in early October who is the most gorgeous, sweetest, heavy pooing child and I love him to bits. So yeah, I’ve got an excuse this year for not quite doing what I set out to do. It also changes my resolutions fairly dramatically, after all it’s no longer about me, I’ve got responsibilities and, well, a child to raise.
I realised that I’ve been doing this for 10 years now, which, for some of you reading this, will mean that the familiarity you have reading this will suddenly have an explanation (sorry Matt). I thought, in a break from tradition I’d see what my ambitions have been over the years, just cherry pick a few of the resolutions I’ve had, without comment, so you can see how much (or maybe how little) I’ve changed… If man is like a wine that ages over time then, frankly, I might be corked. Then I’ll, obviously, get back on track for resolutions 2024 (or you can just skip to the bottom).
Old Resolutions
- Resolutions 2013
#12 – Run a half marathon for charity – Ha ha ha ha… this is a joke one i think… maybe I should talk to Scott Turner about doing it, my worry is that my dodgy knee that can run barely 100 yards would die a terrible death… But again, it’s something you should do I think… Once. - Resolutions 2014
#5 – Produce 10 podcasts - Resolutions 2015
#10 – Record a musical comedy album and put it on sale to the derision and mirth of my peers and achieve huge sales in a song about a) fingering, b) pandas or c) willys. - Resolutions 2016
#6 – Together with the other members of The Pete Turton Experience, perform a gig.#6 – - Resolutions 2017
#6 – Write a new stand up projection show about truth and perform it to muted acclaim. - Resolutions 2018
#2 – Give one free day of theatre marketing consultancy to a theatre that needs a friendly helping hand and support. - Resolutions 2019
#6 – Join a Political Party – Another one I’ve pondered for a while. It seems mad that I have a good education and job and yet the closest I engage with the general lunatics who run the nation is when I don’t vote for them every few years. So it’s time to up my game. In case you’re wondering – either Lib Dem or Green. No I will not be joining the Labour Party. - Resolutions 2020
#1 – Perform a Storytelling Show – I’ve been writing a storytelling show for the last 4 months and, while usually horribly modest, it’s got the potential to be good, maybe very good. It’s called Every Little Thing You Every Noticed (But Didn’t Want To Mention) and is exactly the type of pretentious but quite clever show you’d expect me to make. I need a venue and someone with faith in me to force me to do it. - Resolutions 2021
#6 – Get a complete stage adaptation of The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy finished. It’s started. I’ve got 20k words. It needs tidying, lots. I even know EXACTLY how I’d direct it and it would be astonishing. - Resolutions 2022
#3 – Stop apologising for creativity – You’ll notice from my first two resolutions that I’m a bit, well, confident. I’m going to try and say when I think something is good more. I don’t do it much and it’s counter-intuitive to everything I believe.
Resolutions 2023
- Tour Every Time I Close My Eyes All I See Is You to at least 5 venues.
It’s my new show and I think it could be good. But I’m also aware it’s the least commercial thing I’ve written (which is saying something). I’m going to be approaching venues to have it for free in January, just so I get to perform it and it keeps me fresh for resolution #5.
Done – went to more than 5 venues, it was a good show and got better audiences than I have before. - Perform a new version of the Truth show
I STILL think that this show has massive potential but just needs someone to believe in it, most notably me. So I’m going to approach a gig I know and see if I can perform it as a one off at the end of a show. It’ll need a redesign and rewrite in part, but it could be superb…
Fail – Never really got close to be honest. I know it’s good, and a relatively easy remount, but time.. - Write a book.
This is the one people always say… I write a lot. Over 40,000 words every year comfortably. Mostly however it’s arts marketing blogs and shows. I’ve always resisted the “write a book” post because, well frankly, I didn’t have a strong idea. But I’ve got one now and also a real sense of voicing and tone. So I’ll have a go.
HA HA HA No – Yep, no chance. - Write few arts marketing blogs – max 1 every 3 months
I’ve written one very good blog post this year and, well, a lot of filler. It’s problematic because I can see the number of people reading my blogs is deteriorating (apart from when it’s good). There’s an awful lot of shit being written about arts marketing that is either generic filler OR tediously unimaginative and saying nothing new. I don’t think my voice is adding anything other than noise to the void. So I’m going to write less, but write more strategically and, ideally, more interestingly.
Done – I’ll be honest I’ve done this. Partly though because I was writing for ages and being read by no-one, so really decided to call it quits. I think I want to be more an urban legend than someone that is constantly posting. Which is lucky really as I am neither. - Write a new show for a massive tour in 2024.
It’s called “We’re not getting a dog” and will be phenomenal. Sometimes you get the idea and your head just starts connecting the dots. This feels like it could be the thing I’ve been building towards. It’s funny, tender, has a clear sense of voice and tone, also I’ve got an idea for aesthetic and sound thread – I’ll be composing this one myself completely I think. Yep. This is it. I mean see the other one, but, yeah, this is what we’re building towards.
Underway... But the premise has become something actually good. It’s a commercially disasterous as the last 2 shows but will be, arguably, better. It’s about belonging, neighbours and making a house a home.
Resolutions 2024
- Finish and then tour “The House On The Road Where I Live” (working title) to at least 5 venues. For anyone working in a venue who reads this and thinks “yes” – then probably May or June, 50/50 split on £5 tickets.
- Remount the truth show I made in 2017 and never really progressed. For anyone working in a venue who reads this and thinks “yes” – then probably September, 50/50 split on £5 tickets. I’m consistent.
- Plant an allotment and sort the back garden. My secret love is gardening – I love it – it’s relaxing, calming and infuriating all at once. It’s also never done. I want a proper veg patch this year, I want to reseed the lawn with clover, and I want to sort the borders and drainage so that it doesn’t look like the Somme in November.
- Get insanely good at PowerBi. Such a geeky one. I’ve been a Powerbi and Tableau fan for ages and am currently doing a training course in PowerBi. Basically I want to make something that makes consultancies, the RSC and the NT jealous. Actually jealous. Then give it away for free. Because why the fuck not.
- Work for a theatre for free for a day. I’ve had this one before – essentially volunteer my time and skills. It comes with conditions – I’m looking to volunteer with a professional venue, must be a charity, and must not have ghosted me or mildly pissed me off creatively in the last 3 years (sorry Scarborough/Leeds).
- Assemble a Lego collection for my son. This is for my son. Not me. My son. But I want him to have a creative toy, that inspires, and is creative. I had loads of Lego. It’s the timeless toy. I’m going to make a collection for him, then, when he’s ready, he can tell me it’s boring and demand a PS6. He’s only 10 weeks though, so I’ve time.
- Cycle to Southport – when it’s warm. I’m no fool.
And finally…
If you read one of these and think, “I’d like to help with this” or “I’d like to see this show” or “I’d like to book this show” then please message me. The worst thing is writing for a void. Otherwise have a lovely new year and I’ll see you on the other side.